Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
