tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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