Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
