i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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