Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
