So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
