I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
