I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
