Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's Friday. Sex?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
