Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
