Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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