At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
