I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
