Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
