batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
