so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
