Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
