it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
