He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
