Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
