I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
