So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it glows. i had to have it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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