He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
