sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
