How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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