WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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