you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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