Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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