turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
