Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize