She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
