What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
