R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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