Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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