Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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