am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
