Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
