I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
