winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize