Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
