That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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