i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
