Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
