It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
