is your mom at the bar?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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