Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
