you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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