i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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