My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
