My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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