I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
