the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
