you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
