Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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