Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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