At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
