shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
