I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
