I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize