so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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