unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
