I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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