I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
