Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
