youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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