Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
