we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
