I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
