Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
