Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My life is pants optional.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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