No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i need some magic done to my vagina
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
