Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize