Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
