Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
