I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
