Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
