just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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