I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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