probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
