I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize