My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
