I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
