Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
