She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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